Roll Tide!

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 6, 2011 7:27 PM, EST

Roll Tide!

I had a boyfriend once who Mama disliked so much that she pretended that she liked him just so that he would go away. Now Southern women are bred to pull this off like nobody's business. It is a skill that is passed down from generation to generation, and it can be advantageous in many situations. This situation in particular worked out exactly as Mama had planned it. Jackson was a bit of a brut. He worked in a gym, and was a total gym-guy without being a "meat head." He had a great body, was a total jerk, and he had a horrible relationship with his parents. He was a great example of how I was an "adult," and how Mama no longer had a lot of influence on who I hung out with. He never hit me (I'm way too sassy for that), but he punched a hole through a wall when I told him I was leaving. 

Somehow Jackson charmed me into going to the beach for the weekend before moving to Wisconsin, and I fell right into that trap. He picked me up in Montgomery, but said that we had to "flip by Tuscaloosa" on the way to the beach (keep in mind that the beach is in the opposite direction) because he left the credit card that he borrowed from his parents back in T-Town. I assumed that mean that it was at his apartment. That wasn't the first time I was wrong about Jackson. We pulled up at his parents' house around 1:30 in the morning. He was in there for no more than a few minutes before he returned to the car. We headed down to Gulf Shores. I will never forget pulling into West Beach as snowflakes hit the ground. It was one of the most memorable drives of my life. And darn if we weren't in the hotel (off the beach, mind you) for all of 5 minutes before Mama was calling me. She told me that Jackson's Mama called her to tell her to warn me that she was calling the police because Jackson "borrowed" the credit card without asking. Seriously?! Here I am trying to prove to Mama that I am an "adult," and I'm living life like Thelma and Louise! Only Louise over here (aka, Jackson) didn't inform Thelma (me) about what the heck was going on. Louise drove me back to Montgomery that night, and I don't think I said a single word the whole way.

Mama later said that she knew that Jackson was a creep from day 1, but she knew that if she ever said anything to me that I would have married him. She was probably right. It wouldn't have been the first time I made a poor choice out of stubbornness, or that I did something that someone told me not to do. In fact, BF Nicole says that the best way to get me to do something (and Mama agrees) is to tell me that I can't do it. Present me with an opportunity to prove you wrong, and I won't rest easy until I've done it!

That's not all that comes from my stubbornness. I have been known to stand my ground or give support when I felt it was necessary to make a point. I have 2 sisters and 3 maternal cousins, and we grew up very close with one another. Sam is the oldest and the only male - the next male closest in age to Sam is Logan, who is now 3! So Sam was outnumbered, and wanted nothing to do with us girls. Big sis Tiff was next, and she was way too cool to play with the rest of us. I was next in age, followed by MKat, little sis Jayme, and Ann. The four of us were inseparable. Ann had (and still has) lots of personality - like it was difficult to compete with! She used to run around with a fake microphone (anything would do), singing, "Close your eyes, give me your hand..." She was good, too, but there were only so many times you could hear Eternal Flame. And it was never relevant. One time in particular, we were at Granny's house, and Ann was once again singing - this time in the bathroom while the rest of us played in the make-up drawer. MKat put her hand over Ann's mouth to stop the eternal songstress, and Ann burst into tears. She ran to Granny, screaming that MKat slapped her. Granny told MKat to remove her make-up and sit in the breakfast room table until she was told she could play again. This was the 1980's time out. I had a HUGE problem with this, mostly because I had witnessed the "slap," and I felt that MKat was punished in error. I marched into the bathroom, removed my make up, and sat down at the breakfast room table. Granny was surprised to see me there, and when she asked me why, I may have gotten a little sassy. "She didn't do anything wrong, so if she has to sit here for doing nothing, I am going to sit here with her!" And there I sat. A few minutes later, Granny said, "If you apologize you can go play." MKat stood up, apologized, and was excused. I stood up, and Granny's eyes went straight through me, "I wasn't talking to you. Sit down."  And it was then that I learned a lesson - you have to be willing to take a stand when you believe for something, but you better be ready to pay the price.

When I awoke from 6 and 1/2 hours of surgery on Thursday evening, my first thought was, "Boy was that quick!" As it turns out, anesthesia doesn't allow you any concept of time. This, for the patient is an excellent advantage. For the people waiting anxiously for 6 1/2 hours for their wife, daughter, sister to wake up from a procedure that determines cancer-free vs. additional treatments, this is no benefit. Dr. Hatmaker began my surgery with the sentinel lymph node biopsy. Typically, a radio-active dye is injected and "highlights" the sentinel node (the lymph node that the breast cancer is most likely to spread to first). In my case, 4 lymph nodes highlighted, so the "sentinel" node could not be determined. Preliminary pathology showed that ALL FOUR NODES WERE CLEAR!!! This is AMAZING NEWS! Because of this, I will likely be staged surgically as a Stage IIa (or maybe even a Stage I). Dr. Hatmaker has an infectious smile. While Nathan received a call from the operating room when my lymph nodes were said to be clear, Mama and Nathan were elated to see that smile once Dr. Hatmaker's portion of the surgery was complete. And then it was time for Dr. Quintero to work his magic. Dr. Quintero, who I adore for the personal connection that we made throughout the process of choosing a reconstructive surgeon, was straight business when discussing my case with Nathan and Mama after they moved me to recovery. This made a big professional impression on my family, and it was appreciated. Both surgeons have showed multiple dimensions over the past few months, and it has been refreshing for all of us to see such a well-rounded and respected team of physicians working to heal me.

Back in Recovery, as I came out of my sleepy state, I was told right away that my nodes were clear...all four that were removed. My first words out of surgery? No, not "praise the Lord!" as one might expect. My first words out of surgery as I learned that my lymph nodes were clear were, in true Bean fashion, "Roll Tide!" The Recovery team got a big kick out of this, and they told the story to everyone who came into recovery over the next couple of hours. I'm glad I was so entertaining! You know I wouldn't have had it any other way!

I spent two nights in the most beautiful hospital unit that I have ever seen. I'll have more on this later.

I am now home. Nathan's Mom will leave tomorrow, and Mama is here to stay for a while (God bless my Mama)! Our life as we know it has changed forever, and I am bound and determined to make it for the better. As a result, my lifestyle diet has started. I lost 4 pounds (of the 12 that I gained while on chemo) prior to surgery. Dr. Quintero says that Bess and Gretchen each weighed about 2 pounds. Even with all of the IV fluids post-surgery, I came home 4 pounds lighter. Let's call this a kick off to the weight loss plan. I plan for my post-surgical weight to be my new high end of the scale. 

Whatever my weight, I hope that God gives me the gusto I need to make better choices moving forward. And with my new lifestyle diet (I call it the not-fun-but-cancer-free-diet) and fitness plans (once the healing is complete, it's time to get some major cardio going), this should be reasonably achievable. Who knows, maybe I'll end up running marathons in a couple of years? Maybe someone should just tell me I can't do it! I bet my Mama knows how this will pan out!

One thing is for certain moving forward, I stand by my decision to have a bilateral (double) mastectomy. It wasn't the easiest decision to make. It may be a hard recovery and an unpopular option with difficult consequences. But when I am here 50 years from now, playing on the floor with my grandchildren, I will be grateful for the steady and talented hands of Dr. Hatmaker (and I will never forget that smile), and I will be talking about Dr. Quintero's personal and professional connection for years to come. And for that, I am thankful to my entire medical team of physicians - Jeffrey Hargis (Medical Breast Oncologist - Owsley Brown Frazier Cancer Care), Allison Hatmaker (Breast Surgeon - Baptist Hospital East), and Juan Quintero (Plastic and Reconstructive Surgeon - Private Practice).

Bean