The FINISH LINE

The FINISH LINE

Written 3 minutes ago

At a party in high school, I literally bumped into a friend of mine. If I remember correctly, I took an elbow to Gretchen - my right, natural breast. Lisa and I laughed, said our sorries, and then she said, “I like your boob.” Lisa and I ended up as roommates our first Summer of college, and I can’t tell you how many times we said, “I like your boob.”  It was kind of our inside joke way of complimenting one another. “I like your boob” translated to “You look hot! Your date is in trouble!” or “Remember that time when…” or “You are my friend.”

Friday was a perfectly Southern day. It was 85 degrees and overcast with an intermittent light breeze. It was a perfect day for the 138th Kentucky Oaks. Annually, Oaks is the day that the fillies race at Churchill Downs – the day prior to the infamous Kentucky Derby. Four years ago, Oaks began a PINK OUT! Churchill Downs is dressed in shades of pink in support of breast cancer awareness, and donations are made by Churchill Downs to cancer research. This year’s partner was for Stand Up to Cancer, broadening the awareness to types of cancer inclusive of, but not limited to breast cancer.

As you already know, Nathan nominated me, and I was voted into the 138th Oaks Survivors Parade. As a result of your support, we won 2 free tickets to Oaks. Our dear friends Matt and Athanasia (aka, “A”) came into Louisville Thursday night around midnight from Wisconsin. It was so wonderful to have friends with us Friday – their show of support was heartwarming. Matt and A were sitting in our section, so hanging out together all day was super easy. We had lunch, placed a couple of bets, and watched a few races. We had to be in our seats at 3pm, at which time I was handed a beautiful bunch of stargazer lilies by Dr. Hatmaker’s nurse Sofia! She was working the event, and it was so nice to see a familiar face. We lined up, and we were bussed to the other end of the track.

We were grateful that the school bus was air conditioned…this sparked a lot of communication amongst the survivors. Nathan and I met another couple (Dave and Lori) – Lori is a survivor of breast cancer, and they have two small children as well. We shared stories of children, treatment, and support from our friends and families as we were taken to the other side of the track. We were lined up outside the track, laughing about life in general when a lady came up to Lori and said, “I like your boots.” I turned to Lori and laughed, saying, “I am so sorry! I can’t help but laugh because I thought she said I like your boobs!” Lori remarked that she thought that was what the woman said, too, and she was thinking, “Out of all these women with fake boobs, mine are the ones you like?!” Nathan made the comment that there had to be more plastic in that line than a Barbie factory! And I couldn’t help but to think of that college compliment – “I like your boob.”

A sudden drop in temperature became the focus of conversation. Oddly enough, we were commenting on how beautiful the weather was when we learned that a potential hail storm was coming. The Churchill Downs staff loaded us back onto the bus and gave us the disappointing news that while the Oaks race would be postponed, they were cancelling the Survivors Parade. I know all of us were thinking, “This is what we came here for.” While other people are here to watch a race, we are here to finish one.

We returned to Matt and A to watch the storm blow over. We said goodbye to our new friends Lori and Dave, who decided to regroup with their friends and take off. We were wavering back and forth about whether or not we wanted to bail when one of the survivors grabbed me and said, “We’re going to get to walk! Are you ready?” I must have looked confused because she repeated herself until I smiled, and then I grabbed Nathan. “Text Lori and tell her it’s back on! She’s going to miss it!” Lori and I both expressed such disappointment when the walk was cancelled that the thought of someone missing it made me want to cry. But Lori’s phone was dead, and she didn’t get the message. As we walked out, I heard other survivors talking about how their husbands stayed back to protect their Oaks attire from the mud. I asked Nathan if he wanted to stay back, and he acted like that was a ridiculous question. “I am going to finish this with you, Tina.” Those words will forever stand out in my mind. “Then let’s finish this,” I thought.

We were in the line, ready to step onto the track when Lori and Dave came running up behind us. She told him that she wanted to go back to her seat to make sure it wasn’t going to happen, and when she arrived we had already been bussed to the track entrance. They literally ran outside and ran around to the other end of the track to walk the parade. I screamed and hugged her when I saw her. I know it sounds funny, but I felt as though I made a new friend through the earlier bus ride, and I couldn’t imagine the walk without her!

The parade was overwhelming. The crowd cheered constantly for us as we walked around a ¼ of the track. As we crossed the finish line, I heard my name to my left, where I spied my VP Shelly and blew her kisses. Faces in the crowd looked at us with respect and awareness…and sadness, probably at how young our overall parade was (but that’s what happens when you have an internet vote!). Nathan was constantly smiling as the media (or the paparazzi, as we referred to them) snapped away pictures. Every 10 steps I felt a squeeze of my hand that left me wondering if I would cry. But Nathan kept me grounded, and as we approached our supporting party of Matt and A at the end, we beamed. It was so nice to have our friends there with us – just an amazing show of support. And that was it…it was O.V.E.R.

We had a great time with Matt and A. I’ve known Athanasia for 10+ years, but after this weekend, I will consider her a best friend. We talked for hours last night, and she gave me an analogy that will stick with me always. She said that when her family was faced with great adversity last August, a nun told her that we should look at God like a father (which I’ve heard a million times before, but this time it resonates with me). As a parent, we often protect our children from great harm (like running out into the middle of the street). When we do this, sometimes we hurt them a little in the process (like if we jerk them back from the street, they may get a pinch...or a spanking as a reminder of what not to do). But when you look at the big picture, the pinch or spanking was not nearly what the street could have been. The message was to look at the big picture and realize that when we face adversity, we are actually experiencing the hand of God pulling us back from a greater danger, so we should thank him for the save. I would hate to have seen what was in store for me if I hadn’t been through the last year! I’m just glad that we have the opportunity to say that we made it through, that we finished - we might even say that we “placed,” as they say in the racing circuit.

Hope and the "Twins"

Hope and the "Twins"

Written 59 minutes ago

What an emotional week! I returned to work Monday, only to get sent home because I still had one of my surgical drains in. While it might sound like fun to get sent home from work, I was totally prepared to celebrate my new normal now that I have Shelby and Yvette. So I was disappointed. Aside from that, I have once again drained any and all PTO I have built up since my last surgery.

I did take advantage of the time off, though. I had a mani and a pedi Monday...until that point, I was wondering when I would have time this week to do these things prior to Oaks/Derby weekend. 

“Oaks” is the day before Derby. The proceeds from Oaks go to breast cancer research, and for several years now the day calls for a PINK OUT! This essentially means that everyone at Churchill Downs is wearing breast cancer's favorite color. So I went on this fabulous website www.zazzle.com, where you can find or design anything breast cancer. I ordered Nathan a tie - it was pink, and there are black and gray fleur de lis all over the tie. Each fleur de lis has a breast cancer ribbon in the center of it. It should have been perfect for Oaks! But when it arrived, it was wider than the average tie, the back of the tie was stark white, and it was an overall disappointment. So Monday I also went to Kohl's for a new tie. I called Big Sis Tiff from the store for a little style help. I asked her if I could buy Nathan a seersucker bow tie, and she advised against it. So I ended up with a very nice pink and blue paisley. Nathan found it on the dresser Monday evening, and he said, "I like this tie." I told him the story about shopping for the tie and calling Tiff about the seersucker tie. I told Nathan that Tiff told me that the bow tie was nerdy, so I couldn't buy it. Nathan said, "I'm kind of nerdy," to which I replied, "That's what I said!" It was good for a giggle, but he's stuck with paisley.

Tuesday was a lazy day. I hung out until I had my drain pulled, and then I went to the cancer center to get my monthly tic-tac in the belly shot. My nurse Bev is a rock star at that shot. I compare the Gossarelin to a tequila shot. I used to be a bit of tequila connoisseur, but those days are long gone. At any rate, I never liked "training wheels" (aka, salt and lime) with a tequila shot, and I feel the same way about the ice for the Gossarelin shot. Every month Bev asks if I want ice, and every month I say, "Give it to me straight, bartender. I don't need your training wheels."

Wednesday I had the great privilege to attend the First Lady of Kentucky's Celebration of Hope, supported by Horses for Hope, an apropos charitable organization for the great state of Kentucky. There was a fashion show, a brunch, a UK basketball player, and a very accomplished young lady who was the keynote speaker. Rachel Annette Helson (google her – she’s pretty awesome!) recounted her aunt's diagnosis (now a survivor), and how that essentially sparked her (15 when her aunt was diagnosed) to being a life of theater and philanthropy. This made me wonder what kind of wonderful things my nieces Olivia and Ann Marie might be doing 10 years from now, and what kind of shape I might be in to see them through it. It was very emotional for me to attend this event. The most emotional part was when the survivors were asked to stand when their # of surviving years was announced. When the 40+ year survivors (6 were in attendance) stood, I lost it. I know it sounds grim, but when I think about 40 years from now, I don't necessarily think about being around...but this gave me something I have heard about for 11+ months...hope. 

Hope is like love or faith - you know what it is, but you can't see it...you can only feel it. Hope is more than wanting. Hope and faith are intertwined, but not the same. Hope is doing whatever it takes. And there it was - my epiphany. I have to do whatever it takes to be standing when someone calls upon 40+ year survivors. And whatever it takes is what I intend to do. 

I worked all day today, and by the time I got home I was miserable. As it turns out, it was likely a blessing that I was sent home Monday, because I was in no way prepared to work all week like I thought I was. My body is still very much in shock from surgery, and I need to let it gently heal. I cannot speed up the process. It's hard to believe that underneath that tiny fuchsia dress I'm wearing tomorrow, I look like I've been beaten. I'm bruised from nipple line (or what otherwise would be nipple line) to hips...whatever it takes. If there is a wardrobe malfunction tomorrow, it is not going to be pretty! Shelby and Yvette are still in the healing stage, and they are definitely not ready for that kind of debut!

Steel Magnolias would be an obvious inspiration for Shelby. Shelby did things when she was told not to…in fact, the only way you could guarantee that Shelby would do something was for her Mama to tell her that she shouldn’t do it. Her “signature color” was pink, specifically blush and bashful. Shelby was a Southern lady with an Achilles heel…her health. She was strong and soft at the same time. And she loved her Mama. And she was willing to do whatever it took.

In high school, was the lead in my Spring musical, class president, and a member of Drama Club, the Chess Club and the French Honors Society. As involved as I was in all of these things, French Honors Society was something I was really proud of. French was easy to me – it was beautiful, and interesting, and guaranteed to confuse the heck out of me when I traveled to Italy years later!! I even studied French as a Major in college for a semester before switching to Communications.  Yvette is for the boy in French class who used to cheat off of my French tests…and all the while I thought he was just trying to catch a glimpse of Bess and Gretchen! She is my adventurous side, my exotic side, my red patent leather peep toe heels side.

Tomorrow I will walk alongside 137 other survivors who were nominated to walk in the annual Oaks Survivors' Parade. It is an honor to walk, and I couldn't be more excited. I am expecting another emotional roller coaster of a day, and I've packed my waterproof mascara.  Oaks will be televised on NBCSports  all day. The parade will be roughly at 4:50pm Eastern time, just before the Oaks race (Oaks day is named for a single race). I chose to wear a tiny hot fuchsia dress (which will be complimented by red patent leather peep toes by the way) because I wanted my pink to signify strength and hope. Shelby and Yvette deserve nothing less.