Bad Boyfriend

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 24, 2012 7:43 PM, EST

Bad Boyfriend

What girl hasn't had a bad boyfriend? You know the guy - he's a sweetheart, doting on your every whim in the beginning, and then puts his own needs in front of yours when the relationship hits a plateau? Oh, yes, we all know that guy. 

I should have recognized my first bad boyfriend when he kicked me to the curb, didn't return my phone calls, and spent all night "talking" to a girl on the beach. Yes, I should have recognized him then. Instead, it was Valentine's Day. I was a college student, pretending to be a struggling artist, so I had no money for extravagant gifts. So my gift was to clean, and I mean spic and span clean this college guy's 2 bedroom apartment. Have you ever been in a college guy's apartment? They use the same towel too many days in a row, don't clean a single hair out of a bathroom, and rarely do dishes. This was a hell of a Valentine's present is what I'm getting at. And it took longer than I expected.  Saving the worst for last, I was on my hands and knees in the bathroom, literally scrubbing the floor with a toothbrush and Clorox (I told you it was spic and spanclean). Now in order for you to get the true image of this bathroom, you have to realize that framed on the wall behind the potty was a poster that depicted at least 12 different kinds of poo, each with a cartoon illustration, a title, and a description. Because what cartoon poo with a name wouldn't be complete without a description? Now, I'm all for a little potty humor, but really? Do we really need to name poo "The Cliffhanger?"

So I'm on the floor, scrubbing, and I get bonked on the head. I look up at bad boyfriend with a $5.99 bouquet of roses from Winn Dixie. And I know this because the lime green Winn Dixie price tag is still on the roses, which are now lying on the floor in front of me. As bad boyfriend walks toward the kitchen, he shouts, "Happy Valentine's Cinderella." And that lime green price tag got a little brighter. And that was that...Cinderella left for the ball.

Bad boyfriend number 4 (BB4) was the one who punched a hole through the wall when I told him I was moving to Wisconsin. The two in between aren't worth discussing. BB4 and I got back together when he met me halfway a couple of month after I moved to Wisconsin...I don't even pretend to need a lecture about why I let that happen. But when I broke up with him while falling for my study buddy Nathan, he called my house (or the basement of Mama's house) about 6 times in the middle of the night to berate me, telling me he was coming to get me and kick my you-know-what...blah, blah, blah.  So I did what any self-respecting girl would have done - I took my phone off the hook. And then my Mama's phone started ringing. Oh, no he didn't. Bad move BB4. That was the last I heard of him. Thank heavens.

I know it sounds funny to compare cancer to a bad boyfriend, but it's kind of true. It's the ultimate bad relationship - unhealthy, out of control, affecting you in ways you never thought possible. He takes over your body, tries to kill your spirit, and plays with your head. He keeps you from spending time with your friends and family - he wants you all to himself. He can't think outside the box. He does a Mexican hat dance on your sense of humor. And it takes an army to get rid of him. And when he's gone, you're left wondering what you've learned from this experience...how has this changed you forever in a good way? How have you grown from this relationship?

I was growing closer to my study buddy (and best boyfriend I ever had) in 2002 when American Idol first aired in 2002. Nathan and I had been together for a year, been through a horrible car accident, and had absolutely nothing in common. And yet, we found a balance. We still believe in having some time apart to participate in activities that we enjoy separately. This helps us to keep our individual identities while we grow together as a couple. American Idol was one of my things. I watched that first season like the rest of America - engulfed in the idea that someone was going to live the American dream post-9/11. If you think about it, American Idol was a form of propaganda, allowing Americans to live vicariously through the lives of these teenagers singing for a big break. Suddenly Super Bowl commercial spots didn't seem like such a big deal...if you wanted a spot, you wanted it during American Idol. And who could forget watching Kelly Clarkson win the first title that year, blowing America away with A Moment Like This? Who would have thought that the winner of that show would win 12 Billboard Awards, 2 AMAs and 6 Grammys?

I was driving home today, and Kelly Clarkson was blasting away her newest song on Louisville's favorite pop station. The lyrics, while clearly about a bad boyfriend, reminded me that even though I had a couple of duds, I am stronger for the experiences. And I am ten times stronger for the worst "bad boyfriend" I've ever had - the one named Cancer.

Stronger

You know the bed feels warmer,

Sleeping here alone,

You know I dream in color,

And do the things I want. 

You think you got the best of me 

Think you had the last laugh

Bet you think that everything good is gone.

Think you left me broken down

Think that I'd come running back

Baby you don't know me, cause you're dead wrong. 

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

stand a little taller

Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone.

What doesn't kill you makes a fighter

Footsteps even lighter

Doesn't mean I'm over cause you're gone. 

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger

Just me, Myself and I 

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

Stand a little taller 

Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone. 

You heard that I was starting over with someone new,

They told you I was moving on over you, 

You didn't think that I'd come back ,I'd come back swinging 

You try to break me but you see

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger 

stand a little taller 

doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone. 

What doesn't kill you makes a fighter

Footsteps even lighter

doesn't mean I'm over cause your gone. 

what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger

Just me, myself and I 

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

Stand a little taller Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

Thanks to you I got a new thing started

Thanks to you I'm not the broken hearted

Thanks to you I'm finally thinking 'bout me 

You know in the end the day I left was just my beginning..... in the end...

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

Stand a little taller

Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone

What doesn't kill you makes a fighter

Footsteps even lighter

doesn't mean I'm over cause you gone. 

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger

Just me, Myself and I 

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger

Stand a little taller 

Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone. 

And now, it's 10 years later...the judges have changed, but it's really the same old fabulous American Idol. Since Steven Tyler has joined the judges table, Nathan has joined me in one of my favorite pastimes. And on Valentine's Day, I came home to Nathan sitting on the floor with our two boys, each of them with a sunflower in hand. Logan shouted, "You are our sunshine, Mommy!" It was the best Valentine's moment ever. Cinderella's come a long way, and the shoe fits. Our relationship has evolved over the last 11 years, and the things we like and are willing to do to spend time together have evolved. And Nathan is still the best boyfriend I ever had...but he needs to be gentle, because as strong as I am, I am equally fragile. After all, I've just recently ended a really, really bad relationship.