Dear PITAs...Farewell.

SATURDAY, APRIL 14, 2012 2:51 PM, EDT

Dear PITAs...Farewell.

Dear PITAs,

I wanted to thank you for the space that you’ve created for Yvette and Shelby. They should be warm and cozy in those spaces.

I don’t really have anything else to say to you. You are hard as rocks, and you will not be missed. Soon I will be able to roll over in the middle of the night without feeling you not moving beneath my skin. Soon I will be able to nestle two young heads against a soft and supple chest, giving them hugs as a mother should be able to. And I will no longer feel that your hard surface will hurt their little noggins.

Wednesday March 18, you will be replaced – not because you are malfunctioning or broken, but because your purpose here has been served. Your time is over. One day we will all meet this fate, and I am grateful that your purpose helped me realize that mine is not yet fulfilled.  

With a 4 hour surgery, you will be gone. At least with you, I know what I have! The fear of the unknown is getting to me a little with Yvette and Shelby...My mastectomy left me fearful of what the lymph node biopsy would show. When that came back clear, I was just relieved. With this surgery, I feel this pretty overwhelming sense of anxiety. I've always had a pretty decent confidence level, and I just want to be able to love my permanent body...and I hope that God doesn't use this as a lesson in patience. 

Please accept this as your farewell. There will be no more tears shed for you. There will be no memorial. This is all you get.

Tootles,

Bean