Hope and the "Twins"

Hope and the "Twins"

Written 59 minutes ago

What an emotional week! I returned to work Monday, only to get sent home because I still had one of my surgical drains in. While it might sound like fun to get sent home from work, I was totally prepared to celebrate my new normal now that I have Shelby and Yvette. So I was disappointed. Aside from that, I have once again drained any and all PTO I have built up since my last surgery.

I did take advantage of the time off, though. I had a mani and a pedi Monday...until that point, I was wondering when I would have time this week to do these things prior to Oaks/Derby weekend. 

“Oaks” is the day before Derby. The proceeds from Oaks go to breast cancer research, and for several years now the day calls for a PINK OUT! This essentially means that everyone at Churchill Downs is wearing breast cancer's favorite color. So I went on this fabulous website www.zazzle.com, where you can find or design anything breast cancer. I ordered Nathan a tie - it was pink, and there are black and gray fleur de lis all over the tie. Each fleur de lis has a breast cancer ribbon in the center of it. It should have been perfect for Oaks! But when it arrived, it was wider than the average tie, the back of the tie was stark white, and it was an overall disappointment. So Monday I also went to Kohl's for a new tie. I called Big Sis Tiff from the store for a little style help. I asked her if I could buy Nathan a seersucker bow tie, and she advised against it. So I ended up with a very nice pink and blue paisley. Nathan found it on the dresser Monday evening, and he said, "I like this tie." I told him the story about shopping for the tie and calling Tiff about the seersucker tie. I told Nathan that Tiff told me that the bow tie was nerdy, so I couldn't buy it. Nathan said, "I'm kind of nerdy," to which I replied, "That's what I said!" It was good for a giggle, but he's stuck with paisley.

Tuesday was a lazy day. I hung out until I had my drain pulled, and then I went to the cancer center to get my monthly tic-tac in the belly shot. My nurse Bev is a rock star at that shot. I compare the Gossarelin to a tequila shot. I used to be a bit of tequila connoisseur, but those days are long gone. At any rate, I never liked "training wheels" (aka, salt and lime) with a tequila shot, and I feel the same way about the ice for the Gossarelin shot. Every month Bev asks if I want ice, and every month I say, "Give it to me straight, bartender. I don't need your training wheels."

Wednesday I had the great privilege to attend the First Lady of Kentucky's Celebration of Hope, supported by Horses for Hope, an apropos charitable organization for the great state of Kentucky. There was a fashion show, a brunch, a UK basketball player, and a very accomplished young lady who was the keynote speaker. Rachel Annette Helson (google her – she’s pretty awesome!) recounted her aunt's diagnosis (now a survivor), and how that essentially sparked her (15 when her aunt was diagnosed) to being a life of theater and philanthropy. This made me wonder what kind of wonderful things my nieces Olivia and Ann Marie might be doing 10 years from now, and what kind of shape I might be in to see them through it. It was very emotional for me to attend this event. The most emotional part was when the survivors were asked to stand when their # of surviving years was announced. When the 40+ year survivors (6 were in attendance) stood, I lost it. I know it sounds grim, but when I think about 40 years from now, I don't necessarily think about being around...but this gave me something I have heard about for 11+ months...hope. 

Hope is like love or faith - you know what it is, but you can't see it...you can only feel it. Hope is more than wanting. Hope and faith are intertwined, but not the same. Hope is doing whatever it takes. And there it was - my epiphany. I have to do whatever it takes to be standing when someone calls upon 40+ year survivors. And whatever it takes is what I intend to do. 

I worked all day today, and by the time I got home I was miserable. As it turns out, it was likely a blessing that I was sent home Monday, because I was in no way prepared to work all week like I thought I was. My body is still very much in shock from surgery, and I need to let it gently heal. I cannot speed up the process. It's hard to believe that underneath that tiny fuchsia dress I'm wearing tomorrow, I look like I've been beaten. I'm bruised from nipple line (or what otherwise would be nipple line) to hips...whatever it takes. If there is a wardrobe malfunction tomorrow, it is not going to be pretty! Shelby and Yvette are still in the healing stage, and they are definitely not ready for that kind of debut!

Steel Magnolias would be an obvious inspiration for Shelby. Shelby did things when she was told not to…in fact, the only way you could guarantee that Shelby would do something was for her Mama to tell her that she shouldn’t do it. Her “signature color” was pink, specifically blush and bashful. Shelby was a Southern lady with an Achilles heel…her health. She was strong and soft at the same time. And she loved her Mama. And she was willing to do whatever it took.

In high school, was the lead in my Spring musical, class president, and a member of Drama Club, the Chess Club and the French Honors Society. As involved as I was in all of these things, French Honors Society was something I was really proud of. French was easy to me – it was beautiful, and interesting, and guaranteed to confuse the heck out of me when I traveled to Italy years later!! I even studied French as a Major in college for a semester before switching to Communications.  Yvette is for the boy in French class who used to cheat off of my French tests…and all the while I thought he was just trying to catch a glimpse of Bess and Gretchen! She is my adventurous side, my exotic side, my red patent leather peep toe heels side.

Tomorrow I will walk alongside 137 other survivors who were nominated to walk in the annual Oaks Survivors' Parade. It is an honor to walk, and I couldn't be more excited. I am expecting another emotional roller coaster of a day, and I've packed my waterproof mascara.  Oaks will be televised on NBCSports  all day. The parade will be roughly at 4:50pm Eastern time, just before the Oaks race (Oaks day is named for a single race). I chose to wear a tiny hot fuchsia dress (which will be complimented by red patent leather peep toes by the way) because I wanted my pink to signify strength and hope. Shelby and Yvette deserve nothing less.