Define "survivor"

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 31, 2011 6:36 PM, EDT

We all know the lyrics to one of the best karaoke songs out there. The song is clearly a strength anthem...and perhaps the best break up song of all time. The lyrics depict a woman scorn who isn't taking anymore, and she is screaming it from the proverbial mountain top.  We can picture Gloria Gaynor sniffling for the last time, picking up the pieces, and moving on. And she makes us proud to be a woman. She gives us hope:

 Go on now go - walk out the door

just turn around now

'cause you're not welcome anymore

weren't you the one who tried to hurt me with goodbye

did you think I'd crumble 

did you think I'd lay down and die?

Oh no, not I - I will survive

as long as I know how to love

I know I'll stay alive

I've got all my life to live

I've got all my love to give

and I'll survive

I will survive

Do you remember your first break up? I remember thinking that the world was coming to an end. With the phone in my hand (oh, yeah, it was a land-line), I was hunched over in my bed, bawling my eyes out. I remember saying to Clint (that'd be the boy who gets the left boob in a box), "Now I know why they call it a heart-break...my chest hurts so bad that I'm afraid my heart is actually breaking in two!"Soooo 17, right?! 

And those break-ups never got any better. Even if you are the one doing the breaking up...it still hurts...like you are losing a little bit of who you are. Little do you know that those are just growing pains...you're just getting a little stronger.  A little more strong so that the next time around, you can handle it with a little more grace, only to find out it isn't any easier each time. It may, however, hurt a little less long, and allow you to get to "I will survive"  a little more quickly.

Big sis Tiff has been telling me to let it go, but my most graceful (and memorable) break up to date was with Nathan...our one and only break up. It was the day after my 24th birthday party, which happened to be held the day before my 24th birthday. You do the math. He came over to my house, gave me a lovely framed picture of a purple flower, and dumped me. It was shocking! Not only was I floored that he dumped me when I didn't see it coming from a mile away (and I consider myself to be pretty intuitive, almost to a level of paranoid - yes, Mama, I said almost!), but it was my birthday!Seriously? Seriously. Oh no, hold your gasp - we had booked a cruise for 4 weeks out just a week prior. Seriously. I looked at him, keeping my cool, and said, "Okay. Go sow whatever oats you need to sow. But don't take long, and don't go too crazy because I'm not waiting forever. I'm going to marry you, Nathan Frey." Turns out, I didn't have to wait long at all...cruises seem to work wonders for our relationship. We clearly got back together on that cruise...in Cozumel. We returned to the Riviera Maya to make it official when we married on the beach in 2005. We survived. It's kind of our thing. Except I never let it go. I pretty much bring that up every February 9th just to remind him of what a bad idea that really was. Sorry, Tiff, I just cannot let it go. At least I laugh about it!

Dictionary.com defines "survivor" as "one who continues to function or prosper despite opposition, hardship, or setbacks." Setback? Seriously? Okay, I'll take setback. I've said since the beginning that this whole cancer thing is a big, old inconvenience, and I stand by that. So I'll accept setback. But let's not focus on the setback. Let's focus on "function and prosper." Function is defined as "to perform a specified action or activity; work; operate." But it is prosper that makes me smile. To prosper is "to besuccessful and fortunate; thrive; flourish." Go on, give it to me...smile. One who continues to operate and thrive/flourish regardless of a big, old inconvenience...survivor. One is considered a survivor from the moment of diagnosis. I'm a survivor.

A few years after Gloria Gaynor sang I Will Survive, Destiny's Child took it to another level when Beyonce' belted out a new tune along the same lines. Another strength anthem for a woman scorned...vowing to survive on the strength that she has built from break up to break up. The song is strong, bold, and solid:

 I'm a survivor

I'm not gonna give up, I'm not gon' stop

I'm gonna work harder,

I'm a survivor

I'm gonna make it

I will survive, Keep on survivin'

I'm a survivor

I'm not gonna give up, I'm not gon' stop

I'm gonna work harder

I'm a survivor

I'm gonna make it

I will survive, Keep on survivin'.

Well, I'm breaking up with cancer. And I need all my girls out there to help me give it the boot...we're kicking cancer to the curb, ladies. And I need your help. So sing it with me, loud and proud...I'm a SURVIVOR, I'm gonna make it, I will survive, keep on survivin'.

We'll be in Montgomery with the kids this weekend, visiting friends and family. On the agenda? Relaxation and Church of the Ascension on Sunday! A special thanks to the friends who are dog/house-sitting for us in Louisville...I really need this trip, and you've made it possible! 

I got a call today from my *fabulous* Oncology Nurse Leslie. They are placing me on a medication to control my neuropathy (numbness) symptoms, and we are moving forward with chemo next week. I never thought I'd say this, but this is really great news - I need all the chemo I can get! I have to say, though, I am going to miss the numbness of feet - I bought a killer pair of shoes yesterday that I couldn't feel today...I'm going to call that a "perk."  

PS...I found my funny! It was hiding in my heart behind the fear and loathing...but I found it, and it's good to have it back!

Bean