The Universal Mama

SUNDAY, JULY 3, 2011 10:59 AM, EDT

The Universal Mama

I was in a sweaty high school gym in 1996 when the announcement came that a classmate and childhood friend Lori (E) Johnson would be our Homecoming Queen. Lori and I shared many life experiences, including changing the words of David Lee Roth's "California Girls" to "I wish they all could be Alabama boys!" We were 5 years old, and we knew then that we were a hoot! Shannon Williams was the other attendant in Lori's court for Senior year, and we had likewise shared many experiences throughout life until this point. Shannon and I were cabin mates year after year atWonderful, Wonderful Camp McDowell, we created Super Mario Bros. 3 before Super Mario Bros. 2 debuted, and set many a leaf on fire with a magnifying glass. Now we each have two children, all very close in ages, and we keep in touch through the miracle of social media. As cool as I would have thought it would have been to have been named Homecoming Queen Senior Year, I couldn't have imagined standing next to two people who represented our class values like those two!

With my nomination into Homecoming Court came a new dilemma...I hadn't seen my father in over three years, and it was tradition to have your father walk you down the football field during the half-time presentation of the court. Hmmm...it's not like I didn't have fabulous uncles who could walk me down the football field...men who had served as great father-figures in my world until then. But one of them lived out of town, and the other was already walking BOTH of his daughter's down the filed in the same Homecoming Court! I remember looking at Mama and saying with no remorse of regret, "You are my Mama and my Daddy, so I want you to walk me down the football field!" She smiled at me, and said with absolute certainty, "I certainly will." I wore a red Evan Piccone suit that night as Mama walked me down the football field.We walked hand in hand down that football field like I was 11 years old walking through a mall, giddy and proud that I could call this beautiful and strong woman my Mama. We laughed the whole time, especially when Mama said, "I would do this all over again in a heartbeat...but promise me one thing - you won't ask me to walk you down the aisle!" I told her that was a deal!

It was almost 10 years later when I was married to Nathan in Mexico...a decision that we made for many reasons. BF Meredith will tell you that I got married in Mexico because I was bound and determined to do it my way, and that this Southern Belle with a twist was NOT having a big Southern traditional wedding. Likewise, Mama will tell you that I was going to do it my way, which would not include a 12 hour Wisconsin wedding (since I had lived in Wisconsin the past 5 years). It wasn't about not honoring tradition so much as it was going to be damn-near impossible to blend them! And when it came down to it, I wanted the marriage as opposed to the big wedding, but we also knew that would come with some hitches. We were prepared to have no one at our wedding, first of all, so when 40 of our closest friends and family members showed up in Mexico to help us celebrate, we were elated. The wedding was formal, at 11am, and we had a pool party to follow. It was perfect for us, and I would do it all over again the same way if I had to.

I acted like I was bound and determined to walk down the aisle by myself. Nathan and I had attended a wedding in which the bride and groom walked down the aisle together (in Wisconsin, obviously). It was really sweet. During their vows, they said that while their parents had gotten them to this point, they felt that they were making the decision to give each other in their own rite. It was so very Wisconsin, and I loved it - and I planned to steal it and make it my own. And yet, I really wanted Mama to walk me down the aisle. But I couldn't figure out how to break the promise I'd made as a giddy 17 year old, walking down the football field.

Tiffany made that easy for me. My older sister called me weeks before my wedding, asking why I didn't ask Mama to walk me down the aisle. I cried as I reminisced about the football field promise. Tiffany said, "That was almost 10 years ago! If you want her to walk you down the aisle, you need to ask her!" I took Mama out to dinner the next weekend, and I asked her to walk me down the aisle. I've never been so relieved in my life as I was that night that she said with absolute certainty, "I thought you'd never ask! Of course I will!" And she did.

People often laugh about my "universal" Mama, because I rarely use a term to describe her as "mine." Friends have forever laughed about how I talk about her as if she is everyone's Mama. As far as I can remember, I've referred to her as "Mama," both to her face and during conversation with others. Perhaps I just see her as the "every Mama." The Super Mama. The Ballet Mama. The Mama who always worked, but was never not there. The Mama who would drop everything to move in with me every other week for 4 months during chemo. The Mama who would put Southern tradition aside to walk me down the football field...and the aisle. 

This Sunday after chemo has not been as bad as the first! I am able to recoup some time with the boys, and spend some quality time with the Universal Mama!