Your hairs are numbered

MONDAY, JULY 11, 2011 8:41 PM, EDT

Your Hairs Are Numbered

Big sis Tiff came to visit this weekend. It was a fabulous weekend of my favorite sister movies and lots of rest - thanks again Tiff for bringing meLittle Women (and for cooking, and cleaning, and entertaining the boys)! My favorite quotation from any movie EVER is "I could never love anyone as I love my sisters!" And then of course there is Practical Magic, which the three of us could recite (and have) in unison...We talked about this Bible verse that references God knowing each of the hairs on your head, so she sent me this verse and quote when she returned home. I wanted to share some insight.

And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Matthew 10:30 

Tiff: This is what the commentary says in our Bible program on the computer. I thought it was fitting -
"The hairs--are all numbered. That is, each one has exercised the care and attention of God. He has fixed the number; and though of small importance, yet he does not think it beneath him to determine how few, or how many, they shall be. He will, therefore, take care of you."

While I love the explanation from Tiff's Bible program on the computer, my interpretation is a little different. "Even the very hairs on your head are all numbered"...as in, even your days are numbered. Each one will lose its place at one point or another. 

Despite my interpretation of the verse, I don't really think about the cancer as the end. For me, it is a new beginning...it sheds a new light on life, makes flowers a little brighter and pancakes a little sweeter. My children's laughter is a little louder, and their tears a little more salty. I know it sounds trite, but the cancer brings out the best in me.

I manage 8 Medical Imaging departments/modalities in a freestanding/hospital-based outpatient medical center. The building happens to have an Oncology focus, and my Oncologist happens to practice there. That is where I receive my chemotherapy treatments, have labs drawn, eat my lunch on a daily basis, and spill my blood, sweat and tears for a job that I love. I know the quality of my care because I work side by side with the nurses who deliver it. I trust my team. It's an odd thing to be treated in your workplace. I take care of their patients, and they take care of me. We take care of each other (again, with the synergy).

And in my clinical experience, cancer patients meet one of two generalizations. They are either gruff and mad at the world, or they are quite possibly the nicest people you have ever met. Their family members are, generally speaking, always in the first category....overbearing and impossible to please. You can never do anything good enough, and heaven forbid be running behind. A cancer patient's time is, by the way, more precious than you could imagine (this I actually agree with). The cancer patient who falls into the first category is often male, over 65, and coming to grips with the fact that he should have been going to church all those years like his wife suggested. He feels like it's too late to be nice, so why bother?

But the latter category..."the nicest person you ever did know" category...now that's the mass majority of cancer patients. They fall into the "It always happens to the nicest people" category (enter discerning look and head shake).  You can't imagine cancer striking the "nice ones." Let me tell you a little secret, and I speak from personal (as opposed to clinical) experience: Cancer patients are nice because they feel a little bit closer to Heaven, and you don't get to heaven by being an asshole. You think I'm kidding, but I'm not. And they don't even have to think they might be dying to make this transition. Look at me, for example. I know I'm going to beat this - I have no doubt, yet life is a little sweeter, a little sunnier, a little more glad (to finally throw out thatPollyanna reference you've all been waiting for). It's a "just in case" kind of attitude. Now, I plan to keep this love of life when I beat the cancer, but if I was truly going to be honest with myself I could admit that could be the bargainer in me. All I'm saying is that if it's not just the hairs on my head that are numbered, it might be nice to have a plan!

I love you both Jayme and Tiff! I really could never love anyone as I love you. I have always felt sorry for anyone who doesn't know the joy of having a sister...or for anyone who knows the pain of losing one.  To quote Practical Magic: We'll grow old together. It's going to be you and me living in a big house... these old biddies with all these cats.

God bless...

Bean