The Short List

SATURDAY, JUNE 4, 2011 9:20 PM, EDT

The Short List

I have this theory that I am good at generally anything I put my mind to...And this is how I keep my cockiness in check: I admit that I have failed at many things throughout my life, but not in the areas in which I have truly applied myself. Those "unapplied failures" (like being in a Sorority) don't fall onto the list...I call this the "short list." The short list is compiled of very few things in which I have attempted, but at which I have miserably faileddespite my best efforts and passionate desire to succeed...snow boarding is at the very top of that list. I have no natural ability to snow board (or ski, for that matter, which is also on the short list). I do, however, have a natural ability to look really cute at a ski resort (I'm a total Betty), ride up a gondola, and sip Bloody Marys while I wait for my former-snow-board-instructor of a husband to show off his natural ability to carve some gnarley powder (or whatever). See? I don't even speak snow boarding well!  

When I was in labor with Logan (yeah, for those of you who haven't heard this story, that was 26 hours of labor with pitocin and 2 hours of pushing, which I pretty much did without an epidural b/c it wore off...3 times), I developed what I thought was a sense of humor in my delirium. I stopped while I was pushing, pointed to my belly, and I said out loud, "Look kiddo. Mama is good at just about everything that she puts her mind to, except snow boarding. This is NOT going on the list with snowboarding, so I suggest you cooperate." I distinctly remember the nurse saying, "You're starting early!" I'm pretty sure she meant with the bossiness. By delivery, I was certain that labor was the newest member of the "short list."

Parker's labor was short (-er), so I thought that labor might redeem itself from the short list. I was in labor for 7 hours after pitocin, with a total of 3 epidurals - no, seriously, like 3 different epidurals. I pushed for 20 minutes. But he was stuck, so it took at least 3 (and maybe 4) people to literally pull him out of me! It was then that I was for sure that labor was on the short list! I was so dead-set on vaginal delivery, and it is soooo over-rated.

So the short list consists of the following:

• Snow boarding
• Skiing
• Labor (and we'll throw in delivery for good measure)
• Running (so the new implementation of 30-40 minutes of Cardio per day should be interesting)

That pretty much sums it up.

The point of my telling you about the short list is this...Cancer will not be on the short list. Optimism will not be on the short list. Accepting that I have a new lifestyle will not be on the short list. Chemo will not be on the short list.  Anesthesia will not be on the short list. Being here for my husband and my children will not be on the shot list. Faith will not be on the short list. Love, laughter and life will not be on the short list. 

You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to set out on a new journey throughout this whole cancer thing...I'm going to master the freaking short list. It's going away. If I can beat cancer, I can teach my body to do what it needs to do in order to snow board. The short list is on my shit list...and it needs to go out with the rif-raf. 

Let's start with labor - taking it off the list, that is. I have 2 happy and healthy little boys, so I'd call that a success, not a failure. That's what my Mama would say! See how that works? The short list just got a little shorter. :-) Looks like it's time to plan a trip to Tahoe!